The Republican War Against Lunch – By contributing journalist Benjamin Thompson

Unable to repeal Obamacare, Neo-Cons turn attention to the Government Lunch program.

With the avalanche of infighting and Mitch McConnell’s personal crusade to destroy healthcare, it can be easy to miss all the goings on coming out of Washington these days.

However, one voice has been conspicuously absent from the waterfall of embarrassment leaking from the Trump regime: Steve Bannon. Unsurprisingly, Mr. Bannon has not let up in his mission to cut as many government programs as possible. His latest target? Lunch. Specifically lunch for federal jurors. Disgusting!

It appears that not even our sacred right to trial by jury is immune from Mr. Bannon’s relentless assault on our government. “Steve has been insistent that our practice of reimbursing federal jurors for lunch costs constitutes bureaucratic waste on par with the Postal Service – he’s become obsessive,” stated a staffer who wished to remain unnamed. Mr. Bannon apparently wanted to implement his plan before the August recess but was thwarted by the ongoing healthcare debate. Mr. Bannon, however, is not known for his patience.

“He is convinced that time is of the essence and has been heard to say that every day the taxpayers are hoodwinked into buying thousands of unnecessary, wasteful lunches.” Although no budgetary figures are readily available, our source stated that the White House estimates that millions could be saved or otherwise directed to more productive ends. Say hello to additional border wall funding!

Mr. Bannon plans to broaden the appeal for his plan by arguing that jurors will make better decisions when hungry, opaquely recalling a 2014 Smithsonian study. Talking points will be that the improved decision making will not only lead to more accurate verdicts but also expedited deliberation times – further reducing the costs of the judiciary. It remains to be seen whether Mr. Bannon’s argument will convince anyone beyond the Freedom Caucus, but the proposal could always proceed via executive order. Will the Trump Administration stop at nothing to destroy our standard of living?

Like the snake who hides in the weeds, is Mr. Bannon relying on the veritable waterfall of white noise to conceal his budget slashing vendetta from the American people? It certainly appears that way and now is the time for sustained vigilance. Mr. Bannon’s plan to deprive jurors of lunch may otherwise become a reality once Congress is back in session on September 5. Call your representatives!

3 Comments

  • Joe Rizo

    August 6, 2017 at 10:56 am Reply

    #DumpRepublicans in 2018! We must do it.

  • Amy Bolt

    August 2, 2017 at 11:28 pm Reply

    Wow, great article, what an eye opener! I love you donkey!

    • TheDonkeyExpress

      August 2, 2017 at 11:39 pm Reply

      Thanks Amy, glad you enjoyed it.

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